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If you missed all other warnings. I warn
you this is a very dark area of the website and I would
appreciate it that you make sure you read the A warning link
before going further.
Little girl all alone
Little girl all alone
Darkness clouds the mind
Confused and lost
All your life tortured by everyone
All your life death lingering so close
Spit upon,Raped,Beaten
Little girl all alone
Daddy the abusive father
Mother the druggy
Daddy the rapist
Mommy the abusive mother
Sucidal thoughts everyday
One thing holds you back
Little girl all alone
Will this ever change ?
Will life ever be better ?
Can life be better?
Why it seems life is so bad
Why cant there be happiness
Will there ever be?
Death lingering close
Little girl all alone
This life I hate
As I look into the dark wicked night sky
I see a place of loneliness
A place like me forever lonely
As i sit here wishing to end this life of mind
What am i here ?
It doesn't matter how hard I try
No one cares how nice I am
I only want to be love
Wanting someone to love me
So should I take this life?
This life of nothing
This life of trouble
A life of misery
I can't be happy
I can't be sad
I know someone cares but who ?
This Life I hate
This life I take
A love that ended in death.
She said no one loved her
She said no one ever loves her
She said she was worthless
She said the knife was making her happy
She lyed there in her bed as i watched her
I tried to stop her,She said i didn't love her
I did and so did lots of others
She thought that in life no one ever loved her
I cryed as i watched the knife slashing at her wrist
She looked into my eyes and said to me,I love you I can't take back what i done
All i could do was stare and cry
I wanted to touch her,I wanted kiss her
I wanted to hold her
She seemed so alone
But all i could do was stare
As i watched this sweet child take her life
I know she thought no one loved her
But what she didn't know was i was the one
I loved her So i as i take this knife from her
As i cry and think of the love we once shared
As i slowly pass the knife over my wrist
As i watch the blood shed
As i look at this sweet childs dead body
Her sorrowful eyes
I then turn weak the knife slips out of my hands
A love we once shared A love that ended in death
Missing my sister
I watched as she took her life
I watched as i couldn't do nothing
I watched the pills as she swallowed them down
She said nothing was wrong
She said she was fine
She liked doing drugs
I could never understand why
She was always upset
Always depressed
She was never a happy person
She thought she was cool
She fitted in she said
Why was this cause she was taking pills
She drunk a few beers
Every night the same thing
A few friends
A few types of drugs
She said i was a looser and why cause i wouldn't take them
I could see the consequences
I didn't need them
So as i sit here and watch
Watch her waste her life
Watch them all
They seem happy
But how does one think there happy
When there killing there self
I awoke this morning to the screams
My mom screaming Her daughter was dead
I asked why All she could do was cry
The police was over I asked what happen
They said the drugs
The kids
A night out
A drive home
So my sister i lost
I'll never forget her
The times we spent
So sad that it ended this way
She didn't listen
I couldn't help
So now shes gone
Little sister forever I'll always remember
A freindship,Love,and laugh
The times we shared
My sister I loved My sister i'll miss
Gun to my head
I fall to my Knees
Alone no one to save me
Gun to my head
Death just another word
Alone screaming
Tears fall like sweat
Crying alone
Caring about nothing
Caring about no one
She left me
My love,My life,My everything
Just wishing she was back
Just one more kiss
Just to hold her one last time
On my knees
Tears falling
Sadness heartbroken
Where did i go wrong
On my knees Gun to my head
Unloved
She laughed,singed,and smiled
As she looked at me
As she held my hand
As she kissed me
But then she ended it all
She grabbed a Knife
She started stabbing the walls
She started screaming,and crying
She called me fake
She said i was no nobody
She said i didn't love her
She said no one loved her,no one cared...
Everyone hated her
She started coming towards me
I was speechless
I was scared
I didn't understand
Everything was fine she was happy
Then i felt the blade as it ripped into me
As it ripped my skin piercing my heart
I felt all the pain I seen my life as it slipped away
I watched the blood as it dripped to the floor
I cryed for help but no one would
I asked why I asked how could she
But she wouldn't talk
All she could do was stare and cry
This girl who wasn't loved
This girl who thought no one loved her
What did i do
Why was it me
My dear friend
I cry as i sit here
I cry as i watch you waste your life
I cry you as you tell me lies
I cry as i hear you say no one loves you
Although i know that isn't so
I love you
Your parents love you
Your friends
People you will never meet
So what am i saying
All i want for you Is happyness
I cry as i sit here and think about the knife
I watch as you slice away at your wrist
I wanted to stop you but then i didn't
Why cause i seen your sorrow
I seen how you wanted to be alone
You thought no one loved you
But now do you see the truth
Now that your gone
Now that everyone else is feeling the way you were
I loved you we all loved you
I cryed at your funeral
I even thought of the good times we had
So as i sit and cry
Thinking of the love we once shared
My dear friend i will always love you
Prison Cell
Looking around this prison cell
I feel so isolated
What did i do wrong ?
Where did i go wrong ?
Was it my fault?
Did i kill this man?
Who was this man ?
I didn't mean it
I didn't ask him nothing
I slit his throat tossed him out into the dog pin
I then watched as the dogs ate him
Torn him to shreds
I laughed and giggled
So am i insane or what is it i am
I didn't mean to he just entered without permission
So this prison cell i sit this prison cell i wait
Girl I loved Girl I killed
I watched as she sat there
Her eyes..the way she looked at me
The smile she sent
Always so special
She wanted a kiss
I couldn't give this kiss
I didn't want to give in to the feeling of being hurt again
Not another day i want to live with that feeling
She gave me her love once
I can't never forget
But now where friends she wanted a kiss
I couldn't be hurt i didn't want it to be that way again
so i threw her to the ground
kicked her
slapped her
stabbed her
This is what she was nothing more than a bitch
The little slut she shall die
For lifes just another word here in this place we call earth
So fuck you fuck your family you little slut
Die i watched her
I watch the pain
Her eyes no more love within them
She was dying painfully
I then sat on the bed as i watched her dye
I cryed i cryed
All she wanted was a kiss
All she wanted was a one last kiss
I didn't give it i killed her
Now i regret it
I thought i loved her at once
But now im hurt everyday
So fuck her fuck this life i live
No more pain i will not take this shit
I then run outside
I scream and scream
Lying on the grass i cry and scream
I killed her i don't regret it,
or do i
This girl i loved this girl i killed
Alone sad lost confused
Alone,sad,lost,confused
I watch as she sat there
Alone,sad,lost,confused
She seemed to be hurt
She seemed to think no one loved her
Alone,sad,lost,confused
In this cold dark forest
So i asked her what the problem was
All she could say was
No one loved me
No one cared
He hurt me
She hurt me
Everyone hurted me
I told her i was sorry
I didn't understand why no one would love someone like you
Alone,sad,lost,confused
I kept hearing those words in my head
She looked at me and cryed
She asked if i loved her
If i cared
She then took her life before i could answer
She took her life as fast as i met her
I lost her who was she
This girl of mystery
Alone,sad,lost,confused
I felt this way now
Im sorry she died
Who was she
Tears rolled down my eyes
Why didn't i see her slice her wrist
Sad,Alone,Lost,Confused
As I stab myself with the knife she left me
I cryed for I didn't know this girl of mystery
The love for her though was strong
Alone,sad,lost,and confused
Take another pill grab the razor and tell me it's over
Take another pill,grab the razor tell me its over
Hurt me again
Tell me no one loves you
Tell me your alone in this world
Alone with no one
Take another pill
Make me feel pain
Make me feel like i didn't care
Make me feel like i didn't even try to help
Well i can't understand why you make me feel this way
Why you make us all feel this pain
I try to help i try to understand
I'll never understand how you can hurt yourself this way
You tell me you was hurt
So alone confused and lost
You feel any better now that your gone ?
Now that your missed
Now that everyone cries at your grave
Does killing yourself feel any better
Take another pill,Grab the razor,Tell me its over
Guess i'll never understand this wasnt my life
Take another motherfucking pill
Waste your life
Waste away your dreams
All the things you ever hoped for
We all cryed when you left us
Slit your wrist
Take another pill,grab the razor tell me its over
Hurt me again make me feel painful within
Talk to me watch the tears fall
Watch as i try to stop you
Stop you from the nonsense
Your doing it again
The razor in your hand
Tears stream from your eyes as you scream to me that i dont understand
But deep within you don't see your hurting your best freind
Take another pill,Grab the razor,Tell me its over
Guest that didn't work look at you now
Your gone I'll always miss you
Watch as the people that once love you Kill thereself
Watch them as they all die
Watch as some never live the life they once lived
Oh wait no one loves you
Don't say i didn't tell you
Now you see don't you
Crying all alone
Wondering what was going threw your mind
I sat alone that night
The night i got the call
I was told you was dead
I cryed i wished i would of been there
No i was not there alone at my home
I remember the last things you said
I remember it being the same question you always ask
The last call a few hours ago
What should i do you asked I dont want to kill myself
Alone in my home i cryed to you over the phone telling you it will be ok
Telling you to find something to occupy yourself
Now i sit here....
Alone and crying
Regretting those last words
My freind what did i do where did i go wrong
I told you to find something to occupy yourself
Did you think i meant the pills,the razor
Thats not what i mean and i loved you
I will always love you
You was my friend,but now your gone
All i can say is i miss you as these tears fall from my eyes
The picture of you in my hand
The memorys of the things we did together
I'll always miss you
Take Another pill,Grab the razor,Tell me its over
June 12th 2002
"3am this is a redone version thee other sucked"
Lost within a world
For today im lost within a world i can never be found
Someone slipped something in my drink
But no i didnt know this
So now im lost within a world i can never adapt to
For time has come i pay the consequences of being the druggy i once was
I done something i'll never forget
Stuck and trapped in this wheelchair
Cant move,Cant talk,Stuck in my head
Paralyzed for life
My mistakes
No i didn't but someone did
So now stuck and can't live without ever knowing why
Why was i the one to get stuck the way i am now
So now im here in my chair
Crying and thinking and waiting to die
But though i want to die i fight to stay alive
I know life will never be easy
I know i can never live a life of drugs and partying
Im stuck now crying and living this life of being stuck
18 years old i can't even finish school with my class
for i can't do nothing anymore
i can hear things lots of things but never can i respond
so today im lost within a world i can never be found
Is it a dream ?
Shes asleep
Alone all alone
A dream world
A place of quiteness
A place of not being sure
Asleep she is asleep
Running faster and faster
She hears someone calling
Shes scared yet curious
Whos this voice
Who are you she calls out
What do you want
Leave me be
She runs faster
She hears the voice again
It screams i am death
I come to take you away
She then awakes
Awakes to bloody walls
Body parts scattered across her room
Is she dreaming or this real
She isn't sure
She lies in bed and she cries
She cries and cries
She wonders can it be real or is it a dream
Next time you fall asleep think of me the little girl who got lost
Lost within a dream
Child of torture
Chained down tortured
The child of torture
Chained down tortured
It never stopped
The child of torture
No matter how loud he screamed
No matter what he said
No matter how many tears he cried
Chained down tortured
The child of torture
The pain never goes away
The tears remain the same
Falling down
He drowns in his own tears
Chained down tortured
A dream
A lie
He asked why no one listened
He was dead
He was the child of torture
The child of hell
A child of sins
Full of lies
Full of hate
The child of torture
He must remain cast into the dark shadows
Away from the realm of the real world
Chained down tortured
No one cared
No one will never care
Chained and tortured he is
The child of torture
Atrisity
Tears of blood fall from my eyes
My soul feels like its been shattered
like a glass plate falling to the floor
Why did you do it?
Why did you leave me here?
Where Did i go wrong my queen of darkness
My Atrisity
I feel crushed sitting here on the pavement
like we used to....... but now im alone
with no one to hold,
I scratch my fist into the pavement as i watch the bones appear
I cry these tears of blood
as i think of you
Understand this life will never be what it was when i was with you
So without you my queen of darkness
my beautiful abyss,I'll cry these tears these tears of blood
I'll torment myself all alone,All alone scratching my face into the pavement
Im needing,Im wanting,Im waiting
Will you ever be there again ?
Will you ever be there my queen of darkness my Atrisity ?
Suffer
Sitting here i wonder where will life lead me
Every step i take seconds past
I can't seem to understand
Im suffering day to day,
To reveal the future would it be worth it
Or would it be another useless thing?
Would i cry or be happy?
No one know's,so i suffer
Where will this life lead me?
Am i going in the right directions
Or am i leading myself into the gates of no wheres?
Am i stumbling down the wrong path?
I may never know,so i suffer,so i scream
Grabbing my hair i rip it out,
Strands of hair just falling to the floor
Scratching my face as the tears fall
Im so hurt,im so confused
I want to do the right thing
what is right?
what is wrong?
So i suffer as i wonder
Another day gone by,another day im terrified
Suffer,suffer....forever
Akarina
The hair on my head covers my eyes
I sit here in the corner
As i sit here crying
It seems im so unloved,it seems like no one ever cares
No one seems to even pay attention to me
I've been beaten,i've been smashed in the face
I've been called names,i can't take the pressure
This school is killing me,
So i scrape my face upon the brick wall
I watch the blood from my face drip down my clothes
As it stainds this uniform they make me wear
Dressed to be perfect even those who are not
The sting from the pain hurts so much,but it doesnt matter Nothing seems to matter anymore
I sit in the corner of the brick building
One hand in my trench coat,i grab the razor
The darkness has come,the day has gone
The sun has withered away
Im smiling,im happy as i sit in here in the dark
Slitingt my wrist watching the blood drip
I look at my watch as the minutes go by
As these tears of sorrow,pain,anguish fall
I fall to the ground as i die
No one will care,no one will pay attention
My body will rot as they kick me and call me a freak
Then i'll start to stink
They will laugh like they all ways did
Im the girl you hated,im the unloved,im thee unnoticed
I am Akarina
Abyss "the original"
Into the abyss im falling
Everything gets darker
Theres nothing to see and no one to say hello to
Into the abyss i fall
Scared and alone
Happy and cheerful,Im no one and no one cares
No one will help me,No one will even care
I will fall and fall
For everytime i think i have become something....
Im still no one and no one cares
Into the abyss i fall
Life gets shattered into pieces.....
Everytime someone tells me im no one
This knife cuts deeper......
Everytime someone pushes me down
Everyday someone kicks me on the ground
Thee other kids laugh and spit on me
I did no harm im just not one of them
I may be different
Why am i the one getting mistreated
Into the abyss im falling futher
The knife cuts deeper and deeper
The tears fall more and more
Time however seems to stand still
No one helps and no one cares
Into the abyss i fall
Screaming and crying.....
So alone
Into the abyss i fall
Nolon Feb 3rd,2002
Daddys friends
Across the room i hear the screams
The suffering,the torment
I hear it over and over,the same sounds i hear every night,
I ignore it to affraid to realize the truth
Mommy raped time and time again
Daddys friends help daddy hurt mommy
Never does mommy say anything
What am i to do
I lie awake and cry as mommy suffers
I was told never to say nothing as daddy shoved it in
As daddy maid me pay for trying to call the police
So i lie here awake and crying as mommy suffers
Night and day....day and night
In my room i cry
I feel like i have done something wrong
What did i do
Why did i deserve this
No one to help me
I close myself in my room
I hear the screams time and time again
Mothers hurting no one cares
Daddy will hurt me if i try to help
Alone in this world confused,lost
Who to ask for help it seems there is no one to trust
Alone in the house,Mommy gets hurts time and time again
Im all alone and know one to help me
Daddy does it again,time and time again
Daddies play toy
Sitting there she stares at the wall
Sitting there all alone
Little girl so young
Staring into emptiness
Another day she prays
Someone please help someone please come save me
It's almost that time again
The time when daddy is home
A tear drops from her eyes as she cries
The sound of his truck as it pulls up
The door it opens wide
He screams for her to come she comes with a look of sorrow As he unbuckles his belt
Little girl so terrified
Daddy does it again with no one to help
Speechless he rapes her,daddy done it again
She cries
She screams for him to stop
Daddy she says daddy why do you do this
But he repeats it over and over,day after day
She can't say nothing
He promised death if she did
Terrified,a play toy that's all she will ever be in daddy's eyes
She can not take this,thirteen years old
Walking into the school they call her nothing
She walks with no one
They all hate her
She's daddy's toy
Never can she be happy
She sits at school awaiting for the time to pass
Home she comes again to be daddy's toy
Daddy is not home he is not back from work
She walks to the kitchen grabs the knife
Tearing away at her wrist she watches the blood fall
A smile....
She says to herself if I'm gone I'm no ones toy
For I'm nothing everyone hates me they make me hurt
They make me cry
But i say to them now
Never will it be this way I'm gonna die
Blood falls as she sits in the chair
She becomes still and now she is gone
Daddys play toy is no more
My head down i walk alone
My head down i walk alone
In this world i am so hated
My head down i walk alone
Scared and silent
My head down i walk alone
Blood drips off my wrist,the blade slicing away again
Time and time again
My head down i walk alone
I wonder as i wait to end this life of mine
Why was i here to suffer to die
The blood fall's faster and faster,but i just cant do it
Bandaging it up,i hold back another day
Another day i can't do it
Would it be worth it?
To end this life of mine
To leave the world so quickly behind
Everyone hates me
Never to walk without someone staring
No one to accept me for who i am
Just a different person walking by you
But since I'm not you and I'm not like you I'm different
What does that make me a nobody
You don't care to talk
You speak silently to the ones on the side of you
You think me deaf ?
I hear the silent laughing
Then someone screaming freak
Someone called me freak,but it doesn't matter
I'm no one and i don't care
In this life this life i hate everyone is just nothing to me
I wish there was someone to talk to
Someone to be a friend But I'm left in this world to question and ponder who am i
Why since I'm not like the rest I'm torn apart like no one
Everyone telling me that I'm nothing
This knife i grab it again slicing away at the bandage
The blood falls along with the tears
It's that time now i must leave this world of hatred
I fall to the floor tears smearing across my face
Alone i die alone i become cold
death has taken me
Do you care?
Does anyone care?
I wanna
I want to stare at the wall
I want to be left alone
Looking at the wall
Don't you tell me nothing leave me be
I want to be in the dark
In my home....Quietness
I wanna watch people die
I want to know the reason for suicide
I wanna see the world as it crumbles
I wanna tell the world to step the fuck back
I want to know why am i to be treated the way i am at times
I wanna know what this girl really means...
When she says to me that she loves me
I wanna dig deep down inside her mind
I want the truth
I wanna know who is afraid and who is not
Who is a friend
Who does not give a fuck
I just wanna know
I want to stare at the wall and be left the fuck alone
In my own little world of quietness
I wanna kill
If not be killed
I want you all to step the fuck back and get out of my way
I wanna die and bleed
I wanna drip blood in a cup and hope you taste it
For when I'm gone i wanna watch you cry
Then die for all the years you wasted my time
You make me sick and i wanna be left alone
Shunned by you all
I just wanna be nothing all my life
So let me fucking be
A dark shadow amongst the normal
Walking down this deserted highway
Lost in my thoughts as to what will come of my life
I see them all die
The people i loved and hated
What was there for me in this life
A stranger in this town
A stranger to even those who knew me
A dark shadow walking amongst the normal
I cried sometimes wishing there was someone there
Someone like me
A dark shadow amongst the normal
Again i see it
Another girl taken to be a great fuck and nothing more
Its sick to see it over and over
Why can't there be a one for one situation
If there is a God
Why did he have to cause...
The pain and confusion amongst everyone
It's a fight for everything everyday
I'm sick of it and sick of life
Nothing is fair everything makes me sick
We can't live one day without pain or happiness
So many mixed emotions
I'm just a dark shadow amongst the normal
I want to kill them all everyone even myself
I taste the blood of a girl who could take no more
She came to me one night.. she came to me
The dark shadow as i was known in the night clubs
She says to me
Take the pain take it away I'm understanding the truth
Life is nothing take it away
So i take her into my arms
To rid her from this filth we call a life
Walking into the night out into the secluded place
I bring all the victims that i kill
No one ever knows who did it
Then again does anyone even know me
The dark shadow who rids the pain of the understanding
A foolish person they call me
Laughing at the thought that i rid pain
So i take out my dagger cutting her up like all thee other victims Nothing but blood shed
I laugh as I'm happy
Another one leaves this sick world we live
The joy of knowing there will be no more mixed emotions
A dark shadow amongst the normal
Shattered dreams
Twisting in my bed flashes of you lying there cold and dead
My lover my life
I cry.... screaming
Awoken again i feel your body so close to mind so warm
I smile thanking that you are still here
Without you life would be a shattered dream
Unlike these nightmares i have of you dead and lying here Nothing could take away your eyes your beauty
All dressed in black you smile calling me your love
But these shattered dreams they torment me day to day
I cry and hope they never come true
When you ask what is wrong
When you ask why the crying
Why the screaming in the middle of night
I speak no words telling you it will be ok
Inside i feel nothing but pain
Every night the same dream
I see you lying there breathing then it happens
You become cold and stiff no breathing
Then i turn to hold you to kiss you to tell you it will be ok
Knowing its not....
Then i awake
I'm so scared this morning
I awoke not wanting to see it again
Not wanting to lie to you no more to tell you it will be ok
Its all a lie and i can't bring myself to tell you this
You are asleep in the kitchen i grab the knife
The one you held to your wrist
Telling me your life was not worth my love
Then i remember me crying telling you not to do
Here i am doing just as you
These dreams i can't take no more
The pain of seeing you dead
I write this for you
Letting you know i got the knife before you
Hopefully your dead to when this is all said
So are lives are both shattered dreams
Deep inside at least we want see each other die
Shattered dreams takes us away
Lovers of the dark
Shattered dreams torn us apart
Shattered dreams took us away
Girl of loneliness
In the blood lies the girl of loneliness
In the blood she stares at me smiling
Take me away i hear her scream take me away
Again she smiles and the words take me away come forth
Slowly and frightening slowly and lustful
She lures me to want her to taste her
The girl of loneliness lies in the blood
Alone with no one to hold
Alone and crying she tells me she needs me
Cutting at my wrist i join her in the blood
Holding her tight against me
Cutting her in different places
Tasting her blood the joy of needing her
The joy of lying here with her lured here by lust
I suck away at her breast where the blood drips down
Slipping on to the floor
The beauty of it all
The beauty of her blood as she lies in it
To see her there with me holding her.....Embracing her
The girl of loneliness feels all alone again
As i die as i leave this world
All alone again she lies there in the blood
The girl of loneliness with no one to hold
In anger she screams in anger she wants....needs
No one there to give the girl of loneliness alone again
Torn Inside
All around on this cold dark night
All i see is the darkness
Lying here on the ground
Hollowness is all i feel
Lost in my thoughts
Drowning in my pain
Like a piece of paper ripped in half
I feel torn inside
The friends i thought i had have all betrayed me
My love has been taken away into the underworld
My family hates me
I feel so torn inside
Society has shun me out
All my life I've been torn inside
A prisoner to this world,I'm torn inside
A razor to my wrist i will take no more of this
Nolon 2002 June
Dear diary
Dear diary today i awoke and found myself alone again.
Cold and hungry with nothing but a pen.
A notebook to write in as i always do
Another day I'm wasting away.
Without her it seems i can't make sense of time.
I lie here in the coldest days of winter with no heater.
The bills have not been paid in weeks.
A bath i don't remember the last one.
I use the restroom when i can't bare holding it back longer.
Leaving this room brings back memories,and the pain.
I eat very seldom.
The icebox is becoming empty as the days past.
Dear diary what am i to do?
Now that I'm alone.
Now that she left me.
You know i thought life was the greatest.
....At least when she was here,when she loved me.
I'm alone now diary.
I need someone to guide me,I need help.
The blood stains the floor where i cut myself.
I couldn't bring myself to finish the job.
I'm crying,I'm bleeding,I'm in pain.
Someone anyone please save me.
Dear diary i cry as i lie here.
Where has she gone?
What have i done?
Torn socks
In the drawer lies the torn sock's
In the drawer that is by the window.
Where the sun shines threw.
In the drawer you will find that torn pair of sock's.
I can't get myself to throw away
These where the socks....
She wore the night she smothered herself with the pillow
The night she left my world and all the people she knew
The night i came home and found myself to be so alone
Walking into the room i turned on the light
On the bed she lied dead and cold
The face i once seen that was happy
Usually the words dearest I'm home...
Turned to screams and sadness
Tears fell from my eyes to see her dead lying there alone,
The torn socks she wore the only thing left on her
Taking them off i cried into them
Lying down by her
Holding her
Crying into the socks
These torn socks i cant get myself to throw away
2:20am
June 12th,2002
The heart broken warrior
I'm on the edge again
I feel like I'm gonna jump
I feel like i need not to think
I don't give a fuck
My life was always shit
My life forever tormented
I was always hated
I was always the nobody
I pull the sword from the scabbard
I walk out into the dark
I fall to my knees with the sword in my hand
Driving it deep inside
Everything rush's threw my mind
So quickly i fall and die
Twisting Inside
Twisting inside the knife that cuts
Twisting inside i cry out in pain
Again he beats her
Again she is hurting
Twisting the knife deeper i cry in the pillow
I hear her scream
"Daddy why?" i say to myself
Again i hear her slammed against the wall
Daddy home from the bar
I'm scared and crying
Will i be next ?
Never sure what i done or what mother done
I hear the name calling
Mommy screaming,mommy crying
The knife cuts deeper twisting inside of me
Everyday i feel this same pain
The door to my room slams open daddy hollering
Grabbing me from my bed,tossed against the wall
Little whore he calls out
I'm crying
Tears soak my shirt
Twisting inside this knife cuts deeper
Slapping me again and again
Walking out the room i hear daddy calling for mommy
Alone again i cry out for someone for something
This knife cuts deeper everyday
Dear lord if there is one will this ever end
In this blood i lie
daddy has taken it to far
Untrusted friend
My lady i love you
Why you ended up causing such strife
Agonizing pain is all i feel
Flashes of you and...
Again i stand here wondering where i went wrong
My dear lady what could be the trouble
You turn away from me every time i try to speak
My dear lady cant you see
I love you more then i can speak
You turn away from me and i can't sleep
All i ever do is think of you
You turned away and left me here all alone
Alone without you
I caught you in bed with a friend...
Pain,scared,hurt...
I ran, but now..
It's time you pay the price
Gone from my world
So close yet so far away
Dead and cold in the grave i dug for you
Vampire Orianna
The sweet taste of your blood upon my lips.
Pure extacy is all i feel.
You moan in pleasure as you become immortal.
I take your life as we become one.
The taste of your blood like sweet nectar.
Dripping from the wound i created on your neck.
I can't get enough
I was once alone in the darkness.
I walked once alone with no one to talk to.
Then i found you beautiful,shy,and quite
My lady the vampire Orianna
The pill she swallows the pill she craves
She cries out but no one hears her
Alone in her own world
Alone with no one
It seems that no one notices her
It seems she lives in isolation
Screaming and crying just wanting to die
Bashing her head into the wall she cries out
No one to help no one to talk to
Tears fall as she wishes for sanity
Insanity is what she lives
Alone she holds her little bear
The bear the one boyfriend she had gave her
The bear she held onto
The one person that ever loved her
The one person she will always miss
Screaming and crying just wanting to die
He is gone now the boyfriend killed
The pill she swallows the pill she craves more
The bottle she holds the bottle she swallows
Alone in her bed the teddy bear so close
Alone she dies gone from every ones world
Gone from her own little world the teddy bear she still holds
Screaming and crying just wanting to die she wrote upon the wall in her own blood
This girl so hurt this girl so alone
The teddy bear she holds
Life is forever no more
Alcoholic
I'm sorry for what i have done
I'm sorry for the marks that still remain
I'm sorry i never think before i do
I'm sorry i don't make your life easy
Again i come home screaming and drunk
Against the wall i throw you
You cover your face with your hands
Like it will protect you any
Screaming out please don't hit me
Like i ever listen
Please don't hit me..please
You fucking whore
You dam bitch
Screaming at you not knowing any better
Not thinking before doing
I continue to beat you
You continue to cry
I came home today and there was a note
Unfolding it i read
To my love,
I can not take the beatings any longer I love you much but you need help
Loves much your x
That was then and a year has passed and now I'm better
I know what i did was wrong
Though i may not be able to change the past
I just want you to know I'm sorry
I need you back you meant everything
This love for you only grows stronger
this addiction just keeps getting weaker
I'm sorry for what i have done
Today is another day without you
Today is another day with memories of the mess i made
I may not ever be able to take anything back
Though i want you to know i just need you back
Nothing to fear
Its blood trickling down your wrist
Slow motion not a ocean
Down your finger tips hitting the floor
First its speeding and rushing down in slow motion
Then it slows down
I do not care i just want to die
I do not care i care not no more
I just wanna die
I just wanna fall to the floor in my blood
I wanna watch the darkness as it comes
I wanna greet it with welcome arms
I wanna see you all cry at my funeral
I just wanna watch it all i don't care i never did
Sometimes it seems this is all my dreams
A bloody mess upon the floor
I awake and scream out for help
No one hears no one ever does
Lying here in fear
Its all my fault i can't stop thinking of it
Death and blood i live for it
I dream of a day when the oceans are filled with blood
The skys so dark with blood dripping down heavy rain so red and delightful to everyone
I jump out the bed laughing its another day and its all thee average dreams
Nothing to fear nothing to fear im still here
Afraid
Daddy's home i heard the front door open
The living room the entrance to our home
Daddy laughs louder and louder
Like a speaker turned up
Screaming my name
In fear im lost
Just about to fix something quick to eat
The plate shatters and nothing seems to matter
Everything in slow motion
Grey and black is all i see
Quiet and fearfull i stand my ground
Not sure weather to run or hide
In the kitchen alone i shake
I can tell he is drunk
A state of mind he can't control
Is it his fault?
The beating
The pain
The rape
The hatred
I run out the backdoor
Unsure as to where im going
Running far into the depths of the woods
Never again will daddy do it
Darkness comes suddenly
Falling
A loud thud my face hits the tree
Screaming in pain
Sad and hurt i cry
In the mud i lay
Shuddering
Cold
Fear
What to do?
Where to go?
Im scared
Afraid
Asleep fast asleep i fall into a deep sleep
Awoken cops surrounding
Tears fall daddy's gone
Question is this my fault ?
Question
Help me make it threw another day
Share these tears with me
Questions left unanswered
Again we feel the pain
It's not right
Im face to face with the wall again
Every day comes at a cost
Every day comes with a question
So you ask me
Though i am silent
Only these tears
Breaking silence.....
That was never to meant to be broken
You are such a happy person
Laughing,smiling,...
Doing your best to make me smile
Emotionally i will never be ok
Emotionally it is hard for me to love
Memorys,pain,his eyes
Stripped of my sanity
I thought he was a friend
I thought i could trust him
Question why me ?
Vampire Trindem
I see her lying there cold and shaking
As i look into her window
shes all alone and so young
I move so quickly without notice
Her window ajar i open it and climb in
Biting on her kneck
Her eyes open wide
The taste of her blood
So young,
So innocent,
The sweet taste of her blood upon my tongue
I wonder who she was,
I wonder what kind of a life she has lead,
What will she turn out to be in the world of thee immortals
I take her from her bed and cradle her in my arms
Creeping out into the night
Holding her so close to me
She will become my companion my beloved
Anya she will be named
She will be more to me than anyone has
All these nights alone
Alone and wanting someone
so beautiful to hold
I am forever the immortal the vampire Tridemix
I am your god
Believe in me or else
I will strike you to the ground
Believe in me
For i am your God and there is no other
Believe in me or else
You can go straight to hell
I died on a cross are you not happy?
I gave it all for you
Not like i gave you a choice
I died and rose again
Believe in me or else
You can rot in hell
You have no choice
Either me or hell
You wanna die
Then end up
In a pit of flames
Believe in me
For i am your God
My lady,My mistress
Hold me down
Tie me down
Spit on me
Hit me harder
Let me know you own me
Blood covers the wall
Like a painting begging to be drawn
I laugh
I like it
Hit me again
Enjoying it are you?
..You ask
...i say..I like it,I enjoy it
Spit on me
Bash my head onto the seat i lay
Cover me in your blood
Lick up the sweat that covers me from all over
Laughing laughter..feels the room
Enjoyment,pleaure pain
Make me see that you are the one for me
My lady,My mistress
The past remains
She closes her eyes wanting to sleep
Suddenly awoken....
The past will never leave
She closes her eyes once again into a dream state
Screams and anguish again awoken
It never goes away
The thoughts of mommy lying there
MOMMY! she screams though she doesn't awake
Daddy has finally done it she thinks to herself
Lying there with mommy
She crys trying to understand why
It seems she has done wrong
She should have known not to hide
Hide away from the screams
Hide away from the bleeding
Hiding away from the scars
Prentending and wanting it to be ok
She remembers mommy crying help but no one ever came
No one ever helped
Mommy needed my help but i just hid away
Afraid of daddy and what he would do
Mommy always said for me to stay away
Maybe i was wrong for listening
I have never seen daddy since
He has gone
He will never come around
Someone came and took me from my mommy
Weeks i stayed there crying as she rotted away
Lying by her side feeling so guilty of letting her go
Now i cry alone without her
No one seems to like me
In this home of homeless children
Zaria was there she wanted to help
She always wanted to
No one knew
No one understood
Though Zaria would smile and she had patience
I just wanted to die and lie there like mommy
I wanted to leave this place and all the pain
But Zaria would not let me
She held me down i could never hate her though
She thought i was never listening
Though i always was
Years has passed and we became freinds closer and closer
The past seemed to still be there vaguely but surely
Zaria pasted later on
Then the past came rushing back
Alone i was again
I try sleeping awaking suddenly
The past remains and so does the pain
It seems nothing will ever change
Praying to God
Death is near,but you run.
What are you scared of ?
You knew it would come.
Though you wasn't sure when.
There you are praying to a god that never was.
So i laugh,but you tell me this isn't a game.
Though you are wrong.
Don't you tell me what is and what isn't.
Your gonna die soon.
Please don't cry.
A knife can kill with no regret
Though you will die full of guilt
All the wrongs you have caused
All the things you done
Pray to your god
I hope he answers your prayers
Daddy why was i the one
Your toy in the night
Your little girl
You had so much fun
Though i cryed
All grown up
I await your death
A god,or no god
You will feel
All the pain
I hope you
Feel the way i did
As you held me down
As you treated me badly
Your little girl
The one you do not love
My Halloween
Don't be scared
It sure isn't good old saint nick
Im coming over
I don't need a chimney
I bang upon your door
Screaming in your ear
Trick or treat
Give me something good to eat
Don't be rude put a smile on your face
Im dressed like a evil clown
I got a hatchet in one hand and easter basket in the other
Im taking the kid's candy
Im taking there parent's car's
I'll curse you out
Don't need this 10 cent bubble gum
Spitting in your face
I want something good to eat
Trick or treat
Give me something good to eat
I don't want a lolli pop
Surely not a twist a roll
Hook me up with a mr good bar
I could even go for a snicker bar
Don't be frighten
Just do as i say
Best open up
When im coming to your door
I may not look like the children that play
But im gonna take all your candy
Fill my easter basket up
Leave you empty handed
This is my haloween
I'll bust open your door
You want hear ho ho ho
You want hear no winey kid's
I'll be screaming trick or treat
Give me something good to eat
Give me what i want
You will be ok
This is my trick or treat day
Nolon 2002 A dedication to Haloween & I.c.p. latest album
Robot Girlfriend some women assume it to be offensive. As to some it can be perceived as though I'm saying women are nothing but bots that need to be enslaved to their men. In reality it's just a joke of a man in love with a bot. So because of it's possible offensive view I had to place it here.
Robot Girlfriend
She was made of metal
Silver...lots of silver
She never said much
I knew however she was always there
With the press of a button
She would come alive
Eyes wide open
Good morning sweetie
That's what she would say
She was my robot girlfriend
I loved her oh so much
When i wanted her to shut up
I just turned her off
When in need
I would turn her on
Never did she give much trouble
Oh how i loved my robot girlfriend
A tune up now and then
Never was she a cruel person
She never doubted my love
For when she did i turned her off
Never am i alone when i am home
There she is nice in tidy in the corner
Oh how i love my robot girlfriend
Desolation
She loved and hated the ones she once knew
In her blood she lied dead
The once white carpet now blood red
In her hands was the knife
That took her life
Slowly carving
Slowly engraving
The word im no one one on one hand
On the other it read
Never to be loved
Saria put away the pain
The best way she knew how
In the kitchen she found the knife
The knife that took her life
Engraved across her stomach where the words filthy
All her life she was told
"Saria your nothing,Saria we hate you"
The last days on earth
The most painful of all
Beaten,stripped of her sanity
By the one she loved the most
Left her empty
Again alone
Saria could not take it no more
In the kitchen
She found the knife
That took her life
Crippled in time
Crippled in time
Shadows of days gone by
A world of pure hatred
Time stands still
Everyone is crying
In the midst of emptyness
The fury of hatred
The dead women sings a lullabye
Little children scream in agony
Eating away at your sanity
Death has come for all
Dead bodys lie everywhere
My mind is breaking every which way
Is this the begining of the end ?
Did anyone see the future
Did anyone care ?
Embracing twisted dreams
Blood covered hair
Eyes ripped from sockets
Hands of beauty
Hair dark as night
The smell of decay
She the dying bride
I held in my hands
Never wanting to let go
Feet chopped off
Tears staind forever to wedding dress
Im only a myth
A vision of hatred
Cut away from reality
My hands feel her breast
Breast that are covered in human remains
Smell of rot and decay
Lust for craving more of
My dying bride
She creates
Lustful temptations
I need more of her twisted love
Sliding inside her
Cockroach infested cunt
Pounding my way threw
Nightmares and unforgiven thoughts
Cumming quickly,but forgetting all
Awaken to nothing more then blood covered sheets
My loving wife gasping for air
Emergency on the arising
Lusting to fuck her
Dying brains out
knowing,or hoping
This what i see
Is only a dream
My only answer
My only answer
Never to give in
Never to give up
Never give a fuck
Free yourself from it all
All that never was
All that never could be
Free yourself from this cage
A cage you built
To trap yourself away
Away from all those who
Never cared
Never lend a hand
Too all those who
Never respected
Never believed in all you said
You knew some day you would get away
You knew some day you would be better then
Them,or those who
Treated you like nothing
Casted down empty thoughts of
Meaningless things to say
When in your mind they
Never mattered at all
Just pure imagination of
Empty thoughts
Hallow minds who would
End up being nothing more then
Wasted drunks and kids who
Became parents and would be wasted drunks
Maybe abusive parents who i wish i could
Beat down and call lame for
Being the one who treated us
The way they did
Those who grew up learning that
They was never nothing because so and so said so
I stood out though i seen their future and there it stands
In my face looking at them i see
Drunks and dope heads
My only answer to you is look now and see
Is this who you really wanna be ?
Though i felt sorry for you then
I feel sorry for you now
I never however will regret what you said
Because i know that it was nothing more then
A lesson to be learned
A lesson taught
So i give you my answer
My answer for you all
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